Lets talk about the “d” word

I remember it like it was yesterday—4 a.m., to be exact. Like any other sleepless night, I found myself waking up at that time. But this time, my body knew something was off. It was October 3rd, just two days after moving into my new apartment. What I thought would be a blissful morning turned into a dark storm.

I turned to my side and grabbed my phone. A text that I somehow always felt was coming had finally arrived. It read, "Your dad dead," accompanied by a photo of him lifeless. I didn’t understand. Every thought raced through my mind. "Who killed him?" "Why did the text sound so detached?" Anxiety and panic took over. I ran into my best friend’s room, screaming, "My dad is dead, my dad is dead!" I couldn't find any other words.

October 3rd, known for "On Wednesdays we wear pink," became the worst day of my life. It's been 10 months since he passed, but every day brings a new thought about him. Whether it's guilt over not communicating enough because he didn't live in the States or the pain of never seeing him again, the grief is constant. Sometimes I think about future milestones, like getting married and walking down the aisle alone. No more milestones to share with him.

"Death" is inevitable, something beyond our control and ever-present, whether we like to think about it or not. So why does it seem so taboo? Why can't we make it more conversational? What I've learned during this time is that there's no way to fully prepare for it or the feelings that come with it. But if I had talked about it more with people, expressed my fears, and had some sort of guidance or group to rely on, my grief journey would feel a lot different.

Death needs to be a topic in all conversations because sometimes it's not just physical; it's mental, emotional, and personal. We all go through breakups, new jobs, life changes, career shifts, and ego death experiences. These experiences bring the same feelings of loss. My hope is to start conversations about our reality and how to be more vulnerable, talking about these topics without it feeling like a hard reach.

I'm in the process of creating a podcast, with the first episode dropping in mid-August. In the meantime, stories and prompts will be posted on Instagram and here:

Instagram: departure.dialogues.